journal

The stand after the fall

Nothing like a good fitness class to clear your mind.

I went to Vandie’s class today carrying the weight of my memories.

At first, those memories were heavy and indeed felt like lead weights.

I got mad.

I fought back – and kept pushing.

I forgot about the memories trying to focus on the class.

The music propelled me through.

I felt great – I had a bounce in my step.  I heard the music.

I enjoyed the beat and lost myself for a while.

My heart pounded like it would explode.

I was MAD!  NO!  I would NOT stop!  I pushed through.

Screw the pain – screw the past – screw cancer.

For then – for now – I am the victor – not the memory.

I was lost in fitness and it felt wonderful.

I still feel wonderful.  I realize it takes more courage to go back to fitness than it does to do fitness.

It is the stand after the fall that is the toughest part.

It is the living after the near-death that is the greatest challenge.

To return is to face your weakness – whatever it may be.

So – back I go.

And I’ll go again.  I WILL step out of the shadows of cancer.  Damn it!

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Categories: cancer, determination, inspiration, journal, life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Silver Threads

Tiny bits of tinsel tumble to the ground

I look at myself in horror and realize what I’ve found

Bits of silver and bits of grey that made my healing clear

Have taken leave of my head and headed out in fear

Two more to go – two more to go

Tiny bits of tinsel tumble from my head

I wish it not to abandon ship but stay in place instead

My wig stands by upon the shelf in hope of active duty

To make me queen of the day – perhaps a wigged beauty

Two more to go – two more to go

Tiny bits of tinsel linger where I sleep

I dream at night and hope all day – my hair that I could keep

Alas it does not seem to be in the cards this day

Instead, my hair, once more it seems will soon be gone away

But

Only

Two more to go – two more to go

Then

Again

The silver threads I may keep!

Categories: cancer, journal, journey, non-fiction, personal journey, poetry, story | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

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