There is a showing tomorrow in apartment 1001 and so I needed to be sure that it was in good shape and I needed to pick up the mail.
I went this afternoon for a “check-up” and to wish Mom and Dad a Happy New Years.
I don’t know what I expected.
I walked in and the room was dark.
I turned on the light.
I looked around.
It smelled fresh.
The place was empty. Mom didn’t say, “hi”. Dad didn’t say, “hi”. What did I expect? I knew they were both at a better address – yet, I felt their “hello”. I felt their “excitement” to see me. They were always excited by a surprise visit.
I went to the pantry to check things out. Nothing new.
I went to Dad’s room. Nothing new.
I went to Mom’s room. Nothing new.
I poured myself a glass of wine to cheer them with. Nothing new (grin).
I cleaned the glass. I had a cry. Nothing new.
I left and locked the door behind me.
I opened the door – half expecting to see them giggle sitting in their chairs – as if they really had not passed away and they were just checking to see if I’d say, “TTFN” and “I love you”. But, there was no one. Nothing new.
What had I expected? I don’t know. This is a new place and space for me in 2013 as it is for my departed parents. It is new – but there is nothing new.
And as I exited the building – and apartment 1001, the reflection of the sunset caught my eye. It was Dad – I know it was – saying, “TTFN”. “I love you, Stacey.” And delightedly I thought, “nothing new”. Thank God.