Where Does the Journey End?

I have not had much to say lately.

Mom and Dad continue to be on my mind – often – but I just don’t know what to write.

Maybe it’s writer’s block?

Maybe it’s grief?

Maybe it’s time to put closure to something else?

This blog, and all you wonderful readers, have been a great source of comfort for me through a very challenging time.  I’ve lost both parents in less than 18 months.  To me, this has been traumatic.  It has been a long, long, journey.

I wonder now, though, if the journey is coming to an end?

Is it time to put this blog to bed?

The condo up for sale.  I have a difficult time going back there to even check in on it.  It’s difficult to go “back” in time.

Yet, I sit faithfully in front of the digital photo frame as images of our lives fade in and fade out.  I sent some new photos to it the other day and I enjoy watching those fade in and out too.

What would it feel like to say, “good-bye” to this sentimental journey – or rather TTFN?  Letting go is the hardest thing to do, yet I think I need to know my limits and not stay too long.  I feel like the guest that never left… not knowing when enough is enough.

I need to move on – but how much of the past do we need to break from?  Does the past propel us to the future?

Does the past help us to build a foundation, yet anchor us to the ground?

It is inescapable, haunting, yet at the same time it is still my greatest source of comfort.

Should I stay or should I go now – I believe someone else used that phrase and sang a tune along with it (grin).

Maybe the falling leaves have brought this feeling of loss to front and centre.

Where is my faith? What is my purpose?  When will “this” sentimental journey end?

I guess today is a day of questions.  And having said that – maybe today begins a new “quest” for closure.

How is closure best achieved?

And the photo frame flashes images at me like pieces of a patchwork quilt.  They all blend together in an odd, yet harmonious blanket of comfort.

TTFN  – for now.

Categories: Family and Friends, Life After Dad, Life's Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on “Where Does the Journey End?

  1. Fourteen years ago yesterday we buried our father. The journey certainly changes. It doesn’t get any “easier”. I don’t think the sentimental journey will ever end for me. But I do handle it, and feel it, differently. Maybe. (How’s that for not having a real answer!!! ) I don’t know about closure, I guess, maybe…when there is an acceptance that this is how it is. It’s not an acceptance, but maybe an understanding. Thank you for sharing your love for your parents.

    • billduff

      Thanks for your eternal support – not that I want to hear the journey doesn’t end. Funny how the “real” answers don’t really have an answer at all – I think that IS real. Thanks, Colleen, for accepting my parents and my words – as rambling and scattered as they are. TTFN

      • Chatter Master

        Rambling and scattered, maybe, but I got them. 😉 You have done a wonderful job letting your parents “go”. Not saying goodbye, just letting them do what they now need to do. What “will” you do next?

  2. Gwendolyn Kistemaker

    The journey never fully ends, but as Chatter Master says, it does seem to change. Keep those wonderful memories alive for your kids (and yourself) and forge on making new family memories.

    • billduff

      Yes – I guess you too have been down this road, Gwen. How do we ever learn the easier way? Thanks for your support, Gwen

  3. Martin Langmuir

    Life goes on and we deal with what it throws at us every day and may that continue for many many more years to come for us to enjoy and your parents had the bonus of many more years than a lot of people. (My parents and my wife were taken much to young with cancer).
    Your parents passing was only natural and we will carry on without them and cherish the memories and remember the wisdom they have left us to guide our lives.
    Closure does not have an ON / OFF switch. We live our lives as we decide now based on what we have learned from our past with a vision to our future.
    Don’t dwell on the past, Smile and look at your futue.
    You have done an amazing job of dealing with all the challenges you have faced in the last two years and now it is time for you to carry on with your life and family.
    When you have a break in your active and busy life, please give me a call to catch up on things.
    Love always
    Martin (& Toni)

    • billduff

      Oh, wise – one, thank-you for these kind, supportive words. I hear Dad’s voice in your words as I read them. Thinking of you lately, too. Yes – I think a moment to catch up would be good. Thank-you.

  4. Alice

    Wonder what is on the other side of the threshold?

  5. You have to go with how you feel. We all go through grief differently at different times. Whatever you decide – I wish you the best. If you listen carefully you might be able to hear your parents giving you advise on this one. I think they would want you to be happy…in all that you do.

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