All in the name of Mom’s dishes…


In all honesty, I think sometimes I must be going crazy.

This past week I was obsessed with Mom and Dad’s deaths.

What a pleasant topic.

If I woke up in the middle of the night – I couldn’t get back to sleep as I obsessed over what I could have done to make their “journey” more peaceful. (Really?)

If I woke up in the morning, I had to get out of bed as I couldn’t shut off my thoughts about their final moments and how I could have made those moments better.

Seriously – what the heck?

My last trip to see my therapist – I was Hell – bent on finding out answers.

Who would have thought that the answer would come in the form of “dishes”.  Remember those dishes that I spoke of last week?  Well, it’s all about the dishes… Mom’s dishes.  They are the last things to go from the condo.  I just cannot bring myself to remove them.  Why?  I came to understand that their removal represents that Mom is no longer there to use them.  I never did grieve Mom as I was thrown into taking care of Dad.  I am able to remove all other things from the condo – but not Mom’s things.  The last Mom icons:  her pantry, her kitchen, her dishes… are like mountains.  When they are gone – it’s over.  She has really gone.  I am pretty good at denying that.  I used to think I didn’t remove them because I didn’t want Dad to suffer.  I now realize that in my own mind I could pretend that Mom wasn’t really gone as her dishes were still there waiting for her to cook her turkey, her roast beef, her chicken…

Tomorrow is the day.  The dishes will be packed.  I am sooooo not looking forward to it.  No matter how I candy – coat it (I’ll just bring them home and then decide what to do with them…) they are leaving “Mom’s” domain.  That means that Mom no longer needs them.  Why?  She is no longer there.  STOP!  Really???? But what if she is?  What if she is there and I’m taking her things? SILLY.  What if she disappears after all of her cooking things are gone?   STOP!  What if she thinks I’m taking her world apart?  REALLY?  What if she is screaming, please, Stacey, stop … and I don’t hear her?  EGAD.  Can I hear her screams?  I didn’t hear her when she died.  How do I know?

But, still, in spite of all this … tomorrow is the day.  The dishes will be packed.  Life – time – progress?  How does it all work?  Where are they and what will they think that I am invading their privacy?

Tomorrow is the day.

Tomorrow.

It’s almost like preparing for another funeral – tomorrow.

Honestly – all in the name of Mom’s dishes.

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Categories: Life's Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

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12 thoughts on “All in the name of Mom’s dishes…

  1. Gwendolyn Kistemaker

    please call if you need any support (emotionally, physically, spiritually …). Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

  2. Although I wonder what “normal” really is – I think that is all a “normal” part of the grieving process. Hang in there Stacey. One day – one step at a time.
    {BIG HUGS}

  3. From everything you’ve shared about your mom and dad, I envision your dad with your mom, they’re both watching you and whispering “Stacey, honey, it’s okay. We don’t need the dishes there. We need your love here.” I bet their just hoping everyone convinces you that you’ll be okay and taking the dishes isn’t diminishing their life with you, or ending it. God bless you. I’ve been through this pain when my dad died.

    • Oh, my… you bring tears to my eyes. You aren’t a “channeller or anything or you ..(grin.) as I’ve seen the many sides of chatter master. I do believe you are right – in my head. My heart just needs a little convincing. And it’s good to know you’ve been through this – at least I’m not alone in this wild word of grieving. What a ride – Wonderland’s roller coasters have nothing on me… Thank you for your comforting words.

  4. Amy Hunt

    I don’t know how I could ever say goodbye to my mum and dad. But it sounds like you are taking the steps necessary even if they are hard. Your mind going crazy like that? It sounds normal to me, it sounds healthy even. I hope it the dish packing goes well.

    • Thanks, Amy. I know that you would do the same. It was so nice to see you this summer – even though it was virtual. I feel very comforted in knowing that our families have remained united even with the loss of Mom and Dad. Thanks for your very kind and supportive words. I guess there is no “no” crazy for our family, though, eh? TTFN

  5. I am so grateful that I got to share in your Mom’s rainbow this morning. This is the day for dishes!

    • Sounds like a song, “This is the day, this is the day, that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made..” I’m glad you shared that one too, Barb!

  6. Wilma

    Stacey … hope you were able to move the dishes today … maybe your mom will cook at your house!! In my dreams, every so often (always in our childhood home), my father tells my sisters and I that we are to share Mom’s silverware and he leaves the room to get it. When he returns, he has 3 or 4 grocery bags full of silverware and dumps it out and tells us to take what we want. But… .. none of it matches! There are at least 8 or 10 different patterns… it’s a really weird dream because we never had ‘good’ dishes or ‘good’ silverware. Your Mom and Dad will never leave you Stacey….they’re always there! Take care, Wilma xoxo

    • Well – it’s a fait accomplis – done. DIshes are packed waiting to be transported to my home. Funny how dreams can be so confusing, eh? How funny that you too dream of dishes and silverware… what the heck. Do you think our children will have similar dreams? Thanks for the well wishes, Wilma. Mary Anne was helpful today – good to share memories as we sorted.

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