TTFN


Stacey:  “Dad, I miss you”.

Bill:  “Why do you miss me, just open your heart and I’m with you.”

Stacey:  “But I can’t talk to you anymore.”

Bill:  “What do you think you are doing now?”

Stacey:  “I’m making up a conversation in my head.”

Bill:  “Where do you think that conversation is coming from?”

Stacey:  “My head.”

Bill:  “Good ‘ol Stacey.  Your thoughts are always new.  They may be influenced by things that you have already experienced, but each thought is a new thought.  How do you know that I’m not telling you what to write right now?”

Stacey: “It doesn’t seem possible.”

Bill:  “Did you think I’d live for a year and a half once your mother passed away? ”

Stacey:  “No.”

Bill:  “And yet it was possible.  Did you think that you could arrange for me to live at home by myself?”

Stacey:  “No.”

Bill:  “And yet with the help of so many people who loved us so much, it was possible.  Did you think you could have the opportunity and strength to hold my hand while I died?”

Stacey:  “No.”

Bill:  “And yet it was possible.  Did you think you could make the arrangements to have me declared “dead” and have my body taken away and arrange my funeral and read my eulogy without tears?”

Stacey:  “No.”

Bill:  “And yet it was possible.  Do you think, then, that it is possible that I am with you right now?  I am still guiding you and influencing you, Stacey.  I will always be your father.  Your mother is with me and we are a team again.  You said to us once that “home” was where-ever we were.  Stacey, your mother and I are both with you – and you are home. ”

Stacey:  “Dad, I love you.  You have always been a good Dad.  You showed me how to live, and you showed me how to die.  I am no longer afraid.  But I still have one question.”

Bill:  “Can I have some money?”

Stacey:  “No.  I was going to ask if you could still buy me that dress you owed me… (grin):

Bill:  “grimace”

Stacey:  “When will Mom get equal playing time in my mind?  I’m afraid that she has taken a back seat and it scares me that I’ll forget.”

Bill:  “That’s up to you,  Stace.  The time will come – all things change with time.  And time heals all wounds.  Mom and I are with you and we love you.  Mom says, “our beautiful daughter – thank-you for everything you have done.”

Stacey:  “Mom must be there because you called me “good ‘ol Stace”. ”

Bill:  “I told you.”

Stacey:  “Can I talk to you again sometime, Dad?”

Bill:  “Anytime you like.  I am always here…. and so is your Mom.”

Stacey:  “One last question, Dad.  You know how we talked about Mom waiting for you in Heaven with a table set and a feast well prepared for you?  We thought she’d make roast beef with Yorkshire pudding.  Is that what she made?”

Bill:  “You’ll have to wait and find out for yourself, Stace.  When you are old enough, I’ll tell you.”

Stacey:  “I love you, Dad.”

Bill: ” I love you too,  Stace.”

Stacey:  “TTFN”

Bill:  “TTFN”

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Categories: Life After Dad, Life's Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

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21 thoughts on “TTFN

  1. Chatter Master

    TTFN!!!! This was one of the most touching things I have read. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

    • Thank-you. I guess that’s what I’ll name that post. I forgot to give it a title – seems appropriate. Thank-you, Chatter Master!

  2. Very touching and moving post! I feel like I know your family. God Bless!

    • Thank-you. Glad you don’t think I’m crazy. I was always writing posts as a result of my conversations with Dad – so this post came easily when I thought about it like I was talking to him again.

  3. You were always crazy in a good sort of way. Good daughters are.

  4. carol

    wonderful…..wonderful daughter…. wonderful person

  5. Charlotte Davey

    Your post made me cry, Stacey, thinking of what lies ahead for me and my aging parents. But your stories have taught me something….writing it all down, every story, every memory, makes it all “in the moment” again, and those moments will be your comfort in the coming years. And this “conversation” with your Dad? You’re not crazy. He is in your heart and soul, and that’s the way it should be. You were a wonderful daughter to him when he needed you. I truly admire that. So he is there for you, now in return. As my Dad would say, if he knew you: “You did good, Sweetie”.
    Hugs, Charlotte Davey

    • Thanks, Charlotte – just looking for meaning and I guess if this helps you – there is meaning.

  6. Thank you for this Stacey. I have huge tears running down my cheek. My dad has been gone so long we no longer have those conversations. We did when he first passed, but he is busy now. Welcoming other soldiers, like your dad into heaven. I know he is there when I need him but he certainly has better things to do. God Bless you my friend and those voices in our heads are not always reason to call the loony bin. Sometimes it is just our dad’s talking.

    • Thanks for the clarification – glad to hear you’ve had those conversations too – I’m glad to see you’ve not changed your Gravatar image. I feel I’ll lose my identify if I change mine.

  7. Alice

    How dear.

  8. I like reading your posts, they cause a flood of memories for myself and my last conversations with my grandfathers and my mother. I had a tear reading this, and it is hard to make me show emotions like that. Vividly emotional post Stacey. :’)

    • Thanks, Jake. I appreciate your response. Sorry I couldn’t be there on the last day of exams… I guess you know why. Glad that these posts can help stir emotions in you. Cheers.

  9. Melissa Prince

    Made me cry again. You are such a talented writer. Again I say… “keep em coming”

  10. I can’t keep my eyes off this blog. When class ended I said I would never use it again, but I wanted to know how my favorite teacher was doing and wanted to see the stories she was writing as I don’t get to see her in class any longer. This touched my heart.

    • You are wonderful, little one! Thanks for your interest. As you can see, I am negotiating my way through this loss – and am proud of what I was able to do for my Dad. Hope you are enjoying your summer – and glad to see you are using the blog (grin). TTFN

  11. Wow. I’m actually bawling! This was the most touching thing I have read in such a long time! Thank you for sharing this with us. It has filled me with resolve to not only grow closer to my family now while they are all still here, but to start recording their stories. Thank you, thank you! -Bobbie

    • Oh, I’m sorry to have elicited such emotions in you, although, a good cry is often therapeutic. I can’t tell you how thankful I am to have these stories today. I have not yet gone back and read my more recent ramblings – but I was hoping that someone would benefit from them. I am glad they have been of value to you. I encourage you to get started right away – even if they are not perfect – for both you and your family. I look forward to reading your families’ stories. Bravo. And thank-YOU, Bobbie. – Stacey

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