My daughter and I are still negotiating whether the “voice” in High Flight will be mine or hers. I guess the bottom line is that maybe we don’t need to really decide. Maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and it wouldn’t matter whose voice was posted anyhow?
I do know one thing for certain. There has been change.
My bed is empty – but my family continues to walk into my bedroom and observe the empty bed. I want to reach out to tell them that I am there in their hearts – to give them a sign- don’t bother looking somewhere physical – but my voice is not of this world.
Before I passed away, my daughter and I talked about what signal I would use to indicate to her that I was still around. On Friday nights, to give relief to the Dancing Nannies, my daughter would sleep over at my house and take care of me. We would, as she said, “Party” – which meant playing Connect 4 with David and telling stories and listening to music with Stacey. It became a tradition that every Friday – we’d call Floyd and Frances (with an “e”). We’d call at “cocktail” hour. This was key because we’d all pour a rum and coke – so two in British Columbia and three in Barrie… one for Stacey, one for me, and one for Paula. Then – we’d all toast together on SKYPE. As time passed, naturally Stacey’s and my drink disappeared – but Paula’s did not. We would half expect Paula to drink it – we waited and waited for the fluid to change – but it did not. In the end, we decided we were crazy and we’d split the drink and toast to Mom.
Back to “my sign”. The first night I was with Paula – crazy Stacey and the Dancing Nannies poured a glass of wine for me – and waited for it to disappear. Eventually the wine became Stacey’s responsibility and it did in fact disappear. The wine is not my sign.
My family was together tonight – gathered to eat at my house. There was peace. There was friendship. There was respect. All I had ever asked of my children was for harmony – for them to “get along”. They were laughing, telling stories, listening to Anne Murray (although not everyone cared for Anne Murray!) .. Snowbird. It was beautiful. I believe they did this for me – and I am honoured.
Tomorrow – I know will be a big day for my family as they prepare for the “visitation”. I will be with them. My sign will be the peace they feel within themselves for a job well done.
That’s my sign.