That’s My Sign

My daughter and I are still negotiating whether the “voice” in High Flight will be mine or hers.  I guess the bottom line is that maybe we don’t need to really decide.  Maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and it wouldn’t matter whose voice was posted anyhow?

I do know one thing for certain.  There has been change.

My bed is empty – but my family continues to walk into my bedroom and observe the empty bed.  I want to reach out to tell them that I am there in their hearts – to give them a sign- don’t bother looking somewhere physical – but my voice is not of this world.

Before I passed away, my daughter and I talked about what signal I would use to indicate to her that I was still around.  On Friday nights, to give relief to the Dancing Nannies, my daughter would sleep over at my house and take care of me.  We would, as she said, “Party” – which meant playing Connect 4 with David and telling stories and listening to music with Stacey. It became a tradition that every Friday – we’d call Floyd and Frances (with an “e”).  We’d call at “cocktail” hour.  This was key because we’d all pour a rum and coke – so two in British Columbia and three in Barrie… one for Stacey, one for me, and one for Paula. Then – we’d all toast together on SKYPE.  As time passed, naturally Stacey’s and my drink disappeared – but Paula’s did not. We would half expect Paula to drink it – we waited and waited for the fluid to change – but it did not.  In the end, we decided we were crazy and we’d split the drink and toast to Mom.

Back to “my sign”.  The first night I was with Paula – crazy Stacey and the Dancing Nannies poured a glass of wine for me – and waited for it to disappear.  Eventually the wine became Stacey’s responsibility and it did in fact disappear. The wine is not my sign.

My family was together tonight – gathered to eat at my house.  There was peace.  There was friendship.   There was respect.  All I had ever asked of my children was for harmony – for them to “get along”.  They were laughing, telling stories, listening to Anne Murray (although not everyone cared for Anne Murray!) .. Snowbird.  It was beautiful.  I believe they did this for me – and I am honoured.

Tomorrow – I know will be a big day for my family as they prepare for the “visitation”.  I will be with them.  My sign will be the peace they feel within themselves for a job well done.

That’s my sign.


Categories: Family and Friends, Life's Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , | 10 Comments

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10 thoughts on “That’s My Sign

  1. Getting along was always something my dad also valued highly. He often said that he would pass before us and all we would have was each other.

  2. Stacey, your writing is beautiful and I send my condolences to you and your family. I have been meaning to comment on these posts as I have been reading all of them, but I couldn’t find the words. I feel I’m ready now, and I would like to say your father sounds like a great man, and I feel he passed that onto you. I can honestly say you are a big inspiration to me, and I would like to keep in touch. You’ve shown a lot of strength through all of this, and just having you show up to graduation was a big deal to me, though I never got to say it to you.

    Sincerely, Nick Perryman

    • Oh, my goodness, Nick. Those words are so very special to me right now. How kind of you to make the effort to express yourself to me. It has been a pleasure working with you and watching you grow – and to graduate. Congratulations. Yes, let’s keep in touch.

  3. Mary Ann

    We are preparing for you Dad.

  4. Hey Stacey and Good Morning!!!! It’s great to hear from you. And thanks for sharing this emotional time with us. “That’s My Sign” really caught my interest this morning. My Father in-law was a lot like your dad and if anybody could figure out how to leave a sign from the other side, he could!! 🙂
    Well, shortly after his passing over to the other side my wife and I started finding pennies in strange places. To name a few; I found one on the rubber boot of the garbage disposal in the kitchen sink, my wife found one in her sock. They were all tails up. To cut a long story short, there is a song titled “Penny’s From Heaven” and here are the lyrics below, give my best to your family and God Bless you all!!! 🙂 Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven
    Don’tcha know each cloud contains pennies from heaven?
    (You’ll find your fortune fallin’ all over town)
    (Be sure that your umbrella)
    Is upside down

    Trade them for a package of sunshine and flowers
    If you want the things you love, you must have showers
    (So when you hear it thunder) Don’t run under a tree
    There’ll be pennies from heaven for you and me

    (Every time it rains, it rains) Pennies from heaven
    (Don’tcha know each cloud contains) Pennies from heaven?
    (You’ll find you fortune fallin’) All over town
    (Be sure that your umbrella) Is upside down

    Trade them for a package of sunshine and flowers
    If you want the things you love you must have showers
    (So when you hear it thunder) Don’t run under a tree
    There’ll be pennies from heaven for you and for me

  5. I had to stop and take a few breaths before I wrote this reply. I read today’s post first. It is the 1st and we just got home from our trip. Please accept my condolences. It is not easy to lose them but for me Dad was in a coma the last five days of his life. He had a DNR but they were keeping him hooked up to machines keeping him alive. I knew he did not want that and it was hard to see him fighting it even in his coma. I would not have kept him on them but being one of the youngest it was not my call to make. I am so glad Mr. Duff went peacefully.

    I saw many “signs” when Dad passed. Dimes in odd places. Small white feathers, which I call angel feathers and a certain butterfly that I have not seen in years. Once I found an Apache Tear in my garden. It was a rock that my grandfather and father found and polished. I have no idea how it got in my garden and there was no mistaking this rock as one of theirs.

    When we were kids and we got hurt Dad would always tell us to “come here” and offer to “step on our toe.” Because of course he thought that by doing that the toe would hurt worse and we would not be so concerned over whatever we were crying for in the first place. The first year after he passed I had a beautiful garden, that was thriving in my desert oasis, and I was missing him and the gardens we had planted in the past. I lost it and started crying, well really sobbing. I was mad he had been taken away from us. I got up and to go in the house for tissues and stubbed my big toe….really bad. It was bleeding as I pulled the nail up and broke it. In that exact moment I remembered when he use to say the above which made me cry even harder. Then it made me laugh. It HAD to be a “sign,” now I know that Dad was sending me a not so subtle sign. By this time I am sitting in the dirt crying and laughing all at the same time at the “Sign” Dad sent. I then realized it was Dad telling me he saw my beautiful garden, and he was proud.

    My prayers are with you and your family.

    Once again thank you for sharing his stories and once you are ready I will be waiting to read more. Thank you, once again for sharing them with us.

    God Bless

    • Nancy – your father’s death was so much like my Mom’s death. I know how difficult that can be. I am so sorry that you had to endure losing your Dad that way. I wasn’t able to go back to work for a year while I grieved her loss – I was so angry and I think this anger (at the fact that she died in pain) ate away at me and prevented me from grieving.

      I am so happy that you found your sign.

      I’m wondering if my sign is that I am at peace?

      You have shared some very moving details with me and I am honoured that you have felt comfortable enough to trust me with these details so close to your heart. I have re-read this response several times and will continue to revisit as I move forward.

      You are a very special daughter yourself and are to be commended for your loyalty to your father’s memory.

      Cheers – and forever, thankful.

      • I believe we have been brought together for this very reason. The hard days you can learn on my shoulder and we will walk together. And when you are ready, only when you are ready we must keep their memories alive.
        God Bless you my friend

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