I Wait – Is Someone Waiting for Me?

Another day is dawning.  My mouth is so dry, but I am calm.  Still, what does the good Lord have in mind for me? Why am I hanging on?  Honestly, I am ready to go – but I’m not ready to go.  

Last night there was another party in my room.  My nurse, Jennifer, took over so that the family could sleep.  I know they must not have slept too well as they kept coming in every once in a while and chatted. They chatted a lot. Now, don’t get me wrong – I enjoy their chatting, but I also enjoy the silence.  Sometimes they sit and hold my hand.  I love the feeling of someone touching me.  They know I am in here.  I can hear them – I just can’t respond. 

I used to be the entertainer, the one to tell jokes and the one to sing songs.  I cannot for the life of me get those sounds to come out of my mouth.  The air comes in and the air goes out… and that’s the sound they hear.  I know it scared my grandchildren a bit to see me like this – but their parents reassured them that my journey is one that is not painful.  It is part of life.  God, how I wish Paula had this exit opportunity. I am comfortable in my own home – this is my bed – I know these sounds of birds chirping, of skateboards passing down the street.  Thank goodness no noisy motorcycles yet.  

The sun is rising – I feel the warmth on my face.  My limbs are still warm, but I’m getting tired of being in the same place – the girls turn me every once in a while but it hurts.  All I can do is groan.  But they know and they are gentle.  God bless their care.  

I hear the birds.  

I lost Paula on November 12, 2010 at 7 in the morning.  Is that my time? I know I’ll be called… but when?  

I love my family.  I hear, “I love you Dad”, and I tell their hearts, “I love you too”.  You are never to old to learn, don’t you know – I just learned a new language:  the language of heart.  I communicate without speaking or seeing.  I think I get it.  Maybe that’s why I’m still here – I’m preparing to speak without needing my body.  Is that it?  

I’m tired.  I am breathing.  I am relaxed.  I wait. 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “I Wait – Is Someone Waiting for Me?

  1. “The Language of the Heart” That is absolutely wonderful!!!! Take care my Friend….. and rest.

  2. Alice

    You are still teaching–how to say hello and how to say goodbye.

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