It was a tough day today – but I am finally resting comfortably in my own bed in the company of my dancing nannies, my son, and my daughter.
I don’t really remember how today even began. Every once in a while I woke up and there were different people staring me in the face. I’m not sure why, but I couldn’t talk. I had things to say and everyone knew it – they waited patiently for me to speak, but the words just didn’t come out. My chest was so congested. I overheard the nurse who checked me out this morning – although I didn’t get a good look at her as I couldn’t open my eyes – tell my daughter that I was congested. She said, “there is medication for that”.
All day I seemed to phase in and out. I know that I must have had some sort of apple sauce this morning by spoon – not nearly as good as my brandy last night! And I was offered water, coffee, gator-aide, and a variety of other liquids by spoon too. I could sometimes use the spoon and sometimes I just couldn’t seem to get the motions right.
My legs were so restless and as the day progressed I became very uncomfortable. Since I wasn’t able to swallow my Parkinson’s medication, my muscles began to spasm. I am so grateful that my Parkinson’s has been so well managed by sinemet.
In and out – all day. I wake up to new faces. But there are always those faces that have become so familiar to me – tenderly looking over me – re-positioning me when I slip down in my bed – cleaning me gently, singing to me, and re-assuring me. My lovely ladies – all of them.
At one time there was quite the crowd. I know it wasn’t my birthday – maybe it was… my deathday? Maybe that’s what they thought?
Well, I guess since I made it through till now – I guess it wasn’t my time to go today.
I saw Paula struggle in pain before she passed away, and although it took a long time to find relief from my pain through apomorphex I am finally resting. My breathing is irregular I hear them say, my heart beat is irregular, I hear them say, but man I was tired. I don’t think I’ve slept in two days – seriously. They used to call me the horizontal kid – but this is ridiculous.
And so here I am – still at home. I have two nurses now who use the “symptom- relief” kit. I’ve met Debbie this morning (as I said I haven’t actually seen her but she sounded lovely) and Kim (who explained to my daughter how to administer the drugs). I was too out of it to meet Kim tonight but I hope I’ll rest and be alert to see her tomorrow. Paula – don’t worry – remember I only have eyes for you.
This is where I’m at. I am tired. My daughter will have to continue my stories and I know she has solicited the help of our friends to bring memories into type. I got a kick out of listening to some of the tape recordings I had done years ago of my WWII experiences and I know Stacey will transfer those stories to this blog one day.
My life has been rich. When will it be my time? When will I take “our” final journey?
If Paula could have, she would have died vicariously through me. This is the departure she wanted. She, once again, prepared the way for me and is guiding our family.
It is time for sleep and should I wake, I will try to see what the good Lord has planned for me the next day.