message from Stacey: I wrote this post on behalf of my Dad last year. He was leaving the world at this time and I wanted to understand what he was thinking. Funny how these words came to my mind. I think they represent what he thinking quite well. I was always very happy to remember that Dad admitted I taught him how to express his emotions – that only came after Mom passed away and I would force him to speak of her. I knew it hurt him – but I also knew that by talking through his emotions he would be able to process them. Please, enjoy this interpretation of Dad’s last love story.
Story: Hello Paula
I lost my Paula November 12, 2010 and my life has never been the same.
When I met Paula, she took my breath away – and she has that same effect on me today. I have always believed that Paula was the “one for me”. I don’t know if you believe in destiny, but I sure do. Paula was my life – we shared so much together. When you live with someone for so long it’s like you become each other – but still we were still very independent.
We enjoyed so much together – we golfed and played bridge – farmed raspberries and made maple syrup – we danced until the sun came up – we raised a beautiful family – we laughed and we cried. We’ve been through births together and we’ve been though deaths together. What a wonderful life we had.
Each time the phone rings – I wish it were Paula at the other end. Losing a partner is like losing a limb. She was so much a part of me – sometimes I find it difficult to get out of bed thinking that I’ll have to pass by her bedroom to get to the “outside” world. And I am struggling with that journey these days. I used to walk by her room and feel comforted that my Paula was there, resting, but she was there. Paula was always there.
I believe that she is waiting for me. I don’t know why the good Lord has not called me yet. What is my purpose? My daughter and I often speak about what it is that I have yet to do… but for the life of me.. I don’t know. Who does know. Stacey asked me once when it was my time to go – who I would look forward to seeing first. What do you think I answered? Right. Paula – and my Lord.
Dennis Posno – the minister at my church said that he believed she’ d have a wonderful meal all prepared for me – as she always did – with all the fixings -as she always did – and say – as she always did – if I didn’t ask for seconds she’d say, “you don’t like my cooking”.
I can’t wait for her cooking -and I can’t wait to taste again. As one ages, one loses the enjoyment of “taste” – but I give it my best by telling my daughter (who cooks Paula’s recipes for me to enjoy) that I enjoy her meal. Lately – this is becoming more and more challenging as my appetite has diminished.
Paula is waiting for me… I see her in my dreams. I hear her singing, “good night Irene, good night, Irene, I’ll see you in my dreams”, and hope to hear her beautiful voice once more for real.
Paula is waiting.
I know she is ready.
But am I? Paula is still the only one who takes my breath away.
Only the good Lord knows what is in store for me and when I can hold my dear Paula in my arms once again. And then, I’ll smile.